Kidnation Blog

Communication is Key

Communication is at the center of all relationships. Closeness is communicated in many ways, and people give and receive love differently. Five levels of communication provide opportunities for increased closeness in family life.

Each level serves an important role for growing deeper. If tension and stress dominate your relationship with your child, start working through these communication levels and you’ll begin to see significant change take place.

1. Greetings are the oil that keep relationships cordial. Hugging your children as part of a greeting or welcoming them to breakfast in the morning makes an important statement about the value of your relationship.

2. Exchanging information about our lives helps people know what’s going on and contributes to a sense of connectedness. As you go through your day, think of a couple of interesting things you could share with your child.

3. Sharing opinions and judgments is the next level. Some people are hesitant to share their opinions because they feel like they’ll have to back them up or face an argument. Look for ways to affirm your children. “That makes sense” can be an encouraging statement even if you disagree. “Thank you for sharing your opinion with me,” can be a statement that encourages openness.

4. Communicating emotions takes us another level deeper. Facts and opinions often have emotions hidden behind them. “I bet that hurt” or “I can tell you’re excited about that,” acknowledges feelings your child might be experiencing.

5. Sharing spiritually brings an amazing amount of closeness into a relationship. Praying together, sharing what God is teaching you, enjoying worship together, and having a sense of spiritual fellowship are all ways to enjoy the deepest level of communication. As you strengthen your spiritual lives together, you’ll see more and more opportunities to discuss heart issues.

All five levels of communication are important. Look for opportunities to enjoy them with your kids.

This parenting tip is taken from chapter eight in the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN BSN.

Strong-Willed Kids

Children who make decisions with intensity tend to be labeled “strong-willed.” At the end of the day, their parents feel as if they’ve been engaged in hand-to-hand combat—and that the child often wins at the parent’s expense! Most parents consider a strong will a negative personality trait because it often creates resistance and frustration in family life. Yet, in reality, it’s the strong-willed kids who are often better equipped to succeed, be creative, and face adversity.

Children with strong wills have the potential to become the next generation of leaders. They have their own ideas and plans. They know what they want. They’re persistent, confident, passionate, and determined to succeed at whatever they choose to do.

Leaders have an agenda, look for ways to incorporate others into their plans, and have a high need for control in life. Balanced with graciousness, leaders become a treasure because they make things happen, create organization out of chaos, and motivate people to action.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to raise a leader. These kids tend to have their own ways of doing things and like to tell other people (including their parents) what to do. A strong will keeps a child moving in a certain direction in spite of obstacles. Often these children need bigger barriers or tighter limits to teach them that those boundaries are firm.

Don’t be discouraged by the effort it takes to teach a strong-willed child which limits not to push. The strong-willed child accomplishes things in life, because the roadblocks that might hold others back are no match for this kid’s determination. Your job is to help him know the difference between obstacles to overcome and limits to live within.

A strong will can be an asset… as long as the heart is in the right place.

This parenting tip is taken from chapter three in the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN BSN.

It’s hard to get very far in the discipline process if you call to Johnny and he runs the other way. Furthermore, it’s not respectful when parents yell across the house or parking lot to their kids. At least part of the solution is to teach children to come when they’re called.

Some parents react at the thought of having children come when they’re called. It conjures up visions of authoritarian leadership like a sergeant yelling at a private in the military, belittling a person by pulling rank. These parents need to catch a vision for helping children develop a character quality of responsiveness. It doesn’t come naturally but children who don’t learn to be responsive to another person make poor team members, inconsiderate mates, and difficult employees.

To teach children to come when they’re called, you first have to explain what you mean. With young children you might say, “From now on, whenever I call your name, you need to come close to me and say “What Mom?” or “What Dad?” You might explain that it’s important that they learn to listen carefully to your words and when they hear you call, they need to come and find out what you want.

The next step is to practice every chance you get. With a two or three-year-old you’ll practice it several times an hour. Be careful that you don’t just practice when you want to give an instruction or when your child is running away from you in the store. Practice at home and at the park. Call your child often just for fun. When he comes, say something like “I just wanted to tell you I love you” or “I just want to see how well you can obey.”

The “Come When You’re Called Rule” teaches responsiveness to authority. When children become teenagers you can tell the difference between those who have learned this concept and those that haven’t. We’re not suggesting that teens come running to you when you call, but there is a way that they treat their parents that communicates respect.

The “Come When You’re Called Rule” is a way that parents honor children and teens as well. It says, “I’m not going to yell at you across the house or parking lot. I’m going to take time to sit down and talk to you or get away with you to discuss this issue.”

This tip comes from the book Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN BSN.

Some parents are frustrated because their children are so self-focused that they can’t seem to grasp the concept of honoring others. How can you help children think about other people instead of always thinking about themselves?

One helpful way is to teach kids to recognize emotions in others and then know how to respond accordingly. One dad wanted to work on honor with his seven-year-old daughter, Diane, who was self-centered, always talking and thinking about herself. He used a journal and, in the evening, asked Diane to identify examples of a friend or family member who was sad, mad, or glad that day. Then he asked the question, “How might you respond to that person in a helpful way?”

They continued this exercise every evening for two weeks. After awhile it helped Diane get outside of herself, look at the needs and feelings of others, and then talk about ways to respond with honor. When her brother is mad, it might be best to leave him alone or to just ask a helpful question. With her friend who is sad, she could offer to help and then listen empathetically. When Mom is glad, Diane could enter into that gladness by listening to the story and enjoying the situation too.

The Bible says in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourselves.” That’s good advice for all of us. Seeing and responding to emotions in others is a great way to start.

This parenting tip comes from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids, by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Don’t you feel like some days you have to discipline kids for the same things over and over again? The child who has a problem hitting, interrupting, or just being annoying to others may need a lot of correction.

It’s these problems that are great candidates for a Positive Conclusion. Each time the negative behavior takes place, have the child take a short break and then come back to you for a debriefing. During that conversation, one of the questions should be, “What are you going to do differently next time?”

 When you ask this question your child has to state the right response back to you. If Bill is frustrated with his brother Jack and responds by arguing or saying unkind things or grabbing, the right response is to talk about the problem. If you continue to discipline Bill for these wrong responses and he continues to verbalize that the right response is to talk about it, eventually he is able to catch himself sooner and talk to Jack about the problem without using the negative behaviors. This takes time and repeated discipline sessions, but children learn by repetition and frequent, gently reminders.

Sometimes children don’t know what they should have done differently. In fact, some parents are so used to telling their children what not to do, they, themselves, don’t even know what the right response should be. Sometimes the solutions are not easy. That’s all the more reason to use this question with children. Both parent and child can brainstorm about alternatives to unwanted behavior.

By communicating the right response to you verbally, your child will begin to see the difference and learn to change.

This tip comes from the book Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN BSN.