Kidnation Blog

Guidelines for every preschool worker’s dilemma.

If you’ve worked with little ones in a church nursery or other childcare situation long enough, it’s very likely you’ve come face to face with sad eyes and teary cheeks.  These often are a precursor to wailing cries and demands for mommy.  This common scenario can leave you feeling helpless or stressed.  Neither response benefits the situation you are facing.  So, how should you handle it?  I’d like to offer some practical advice gained from 20 years of caring for children.

A FEW BASIC STEPS It is helpful to understand simple strategies that can alleviate the frustration of crying children:

• Try to arrange the room so that the door is not constantly in the children’s view.  Situate the toys and play so that their backs are to the door.  Consider placing a decorative screen between the children and the door to block their view.  Each time the door opens it is a reminder of their parent’s absence.  By simply rearranging your furniture, you can help the children become absorbed in their play, forgetting the trauma of their missing parent.
• Keep the room’s traffic flow to a minimum.  Create a peaceful atmosphere for the children.  Signs or latch locks on certain doors may be helpful to enforce this standard.
• Remember, crying is simply a form of communication for children.  Do not stress out over it.  Learn how to discern what they are trying to express. (See causes for crying in Pt.2)

1]  RELATING TO PARENTS

Let’s start at the very beginning - a very good place to start.  Crying generally begins during registration.  Understand that parents can play a large role in how smoothly children transition into your care.  For the sake of illustrating, I have created three categories of parents, based on observation of them during the registration and separation process.

“First-time Parents“  This category includes first-time attendees and parents leaving their first-born child. 

• It is important to take time to introduce yourself to new parents and welcome them to your facility.
• Explain your basic childcare standards and safety policies.  A welcome flyer is helpful to place in their hands.
• Give the parents the option of staying with the child until he or she is familiar with the classroom caregivers and room environment.
• You may suggest they leave their crying child with you and that you will contact them if the child has not stopped crying within five to ten minutes.

“Oh the Guilt! Parents”  These parents want to leave their chidlren, but feel guilty because they are crying.  They hang around or keep returning to check on them.  It may be helpful for you to:

• Explain the effects their continual “popping/peeking in” have on their child.  If they continue to be visible to their chidl, it makes it hard for the child to adjust to his or her new surroundings.
• Assure them that you will contact them if their child does not stop crying within a few minutes.
• Encourage them to leave and enjoy the church service or other activity in which they will be involved.

“Dump and Run Parents  These carefree paents are more than happy to entrust their chid into your care.  Generally they will be the frazzled-looking ones, fighting their children all the way into the classroom.

• It is important for you to recognize the need for this parent’s sanctuary.  You have no idea what goes on at home.  This brief respite from their chid may be the only time they can find peace and perhaps seek God during a trying season of life.
• Be patient with the seeming carelessness of these parents and minister love and affection to the child.  Do not allow your frustrations or personal judgement of the parents’ attitudes to affect the way you care for the child.
• Pray for all the parents, and especially these apparently stressed parents - they probably need it.
• Be sensitive to create an opportunity to reach out to the parents and try to be a blessing to them.

2]  CAUSES FOR CRYING

Crying is form of communication for children;  it is important to assess what crying children are trying to communicate.  For example, some may be expressing real fear, and some may simply be spoiled from getting their own way through crying.  Additionally, some children may just be expressing insecurity in a strange, new situation.  In order to have the one-on-one help needed , consider enlisting the help of youth in the church, ages 14 and older.  Especially look for girls who have the mothering instinct, a gentle countenance, and a peaceful spirit.  Train them in these guidelines for handling crying children.  They may become your greatest asset.

“Fearful Kids”  As I mentioned, it is impossible to know what kind of environment some of the children you care for experience at home.  They may be truly fearful and need some special one-on-one help to overcome their terrifying feelings.

• Make sure that someone responsible stays with the scared child until he or she is calm.
• Find something that entertains them and that can take their mind off crying.
• It is important for them to feel your comfort through a soft, encouraging voice and confident, reassuring words.
• Most fearful children welcome hugs and cuddling arms.

“Spoiled Kids”  Some children have learned that if they scream long enough and loud enough they will eventually get what they want.  These are my favorites because I love a challenge.  In this case, if they want their paents to return, they may try to manipulate you into retrieving  their parents through their continued tantrum.  This type of crying is usually accompanied by angry responses to anything you try to do to calm them.

• It is important to make sure that this angry child cannot hurt themselves or others.
• Be sure to show empathy and assurance in a kind way without giving attention to their tantrum.  Hugs are good if they will allow them.  Otherwise, gently touch them on their arm or pat their head affectionately.  It does not usually help to try to hold them if they are resisting you.
• Communicate firm guidelines to them, such as not allowing them to throw things, kick, scream, or show any other physical hostility.  Enforce these rules gently, but firmly.  A technique I have found to be very effective is to talk calmly, even if they are screaming, and make eye contact.  Do not show frustration.  For instance, you might say,”When you stop crying and screaming we can talk about what you are mad about, but you may not throw things.  We don’t want you or someone else to get hurt.
• Give them space to calm themselves and get interested in some activities in the room.
• As long as the tantrum does not distract the rest of the children, you may let them go through the motions.  They will usually settle down or wear themselves out within 15 to 20 minutes.
• If they are relentless, and are disturbing the other children, you may need to call the parent.  Ask them if they are willing to stay with their child in their class for a while to help them adjust to the envrionment.

“Insecure Kids”  An insecure child is not necessarily fearful, but may be crying in response to a new strange situation with which he or she is unfamiliar.

• Children who are visiting for the first time may simply need someone to show them around and help them to bond to this new, but pleasant, situation.
• Always be gentle and calm, especially with visitors who display a sense of insecurity.
• If the child is standing, you may want to get on your knoees to introduce yourself and call their name, welcoming them to class.
• Some children respond well to having a book read to them, allowing them to point out the pictures and make the sounds of characters in the story.  Again, this one-on-one time is vital to calming an insecure, crying child, as it is with the others.  After a few weeks of enjoying their time in the room with you, these visitors will feel right at home and may not cry again when being left.

Parents are more likely to continue visiting the church when they see that you have a workable plan in place for their precious little one and their specific needs.  You are saying, “Our ministry cares about the specific needs of your family.”

This article by Michele Triplett was published in the May/June 2008 issue of  K Magazine.

Communication is Key

Communication is at the center of all relationships. Closeness is communicated in many ways, and people give and receive love differently. Five levels of communication provide opportunities for increased closeness in family life.

Each level serves an important role for growing deeper. If tension and stress dominate your relationship with your child, start working through these communication levels and you’ll begin to see significant change take place.

1. Greetings are the oil that keep relationships cordial. Hugging your children as part of a greeting or welcoming them to breakfast in the morning makes an important statement about the value of your relationship.

2. Exchanging information about our lives helps people know what’s going on and contributes to a sense of connectedness. As you go through your day, think of a couple of interesting things you could share with your child.

3. Sharing opinions and judgments is the next level. Some people are hesitant to share their opinions because they feel like they’ll have to back them up or face an argument. Look for ways to affirm your children. “That makes sense” can be an encouraging statement even if you disagree. “Thank you for sharing your opinion with me,” can be a statement that encourages openness.

4. Communicating emotions takes us another level deeper. Facts and opinions often have emotions hidden behind them. “I bet that hurt” or “I can tell you’re excited about that,” acknowledges feelings your child might be experiencing.

5. Sharing spiritually brings an amazing amount of closeness into a relationship. Praying together, sharing what God is teaching you, enjoying worship together, and having a sense of spiritual fellowship are all ways to enjoy the deepest level of communication. As you strengthen your spiritual lives together, you’ll see more and more opportunities to discuss heart issues.

All five levels of communication are important. Look for opportunities to enjoy them with your kids.

This parenting tip is taken from chapter eight in the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN BSN.

Transforming the Heart and Behavior

Ministry to children is a major undertaking.  Many teachers and parents fail to appreciate how much hinges on the decisions they make.  The demise of a child’s behavior often begins when teachers and parents ignore a toddler’s disobedient actions or rebellious words because it is inconventient to administer correction.  As children’s ministry leaders, God has given us the awesome opportunity and responsibility to invest in the lives of children by coaching them to develop spiritual discipline at an early age.

Deueronomy 6:5-9                                                                                                                                                              And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. [6] And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: [7] And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. [8] And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. [9] And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

The battle for a child’s heart is fought early.  Paretns and teachers who fail to gain firm control over young children lose what influence they have as the children get older and smarter.  Children, once accustomed to getting their own way, learn how to manipulate and bully their own teachers and parents.

The word “discipline” can be used in various ways, such as “treatment that corrects.”  For the purposes of this article, we want to use the word in the sense of “training that develops self-control and character.”

One product of properly training chidren when young is that later as young adults, they will be respectful of authority and recognize God’s Word as the ultimate authority.  They grow up with the necessary social skills to be successful in life and glorify God.  We should not require, nor expect, our children to be faultless.  As teachers, we should be satisfied when they show honor, have a sincere regard for spiritual things, and exhibit trust in Christ through proper conduct among adults and peers.

Discipline is not the sole duty of parents; it is the responsibility of ministry teachers as well.  As believers, we have a duty to pass on Christian beliefs to children.

The Importance of implementing Spiritual Discipline Methods

God does not leave us without resources regarding dealing with children’s rebellious tendencies.  The book of Proverbs clearly prescribes generous applications of the rod of correction to lead our children into Godly and respectful character.  However, many parents and some teachers, influenced by psychology and other secular influences, trust in faulty methods of discipline.  Teachers and parents who ignore the clear directions in God’s Word on how to discipline children, in favor of worldly wisdom such as psychological learning theories, are often sadly disappointed by the results.

Children must learn to be faithful and obedient, and parents and teachers must learn to exercise their leadership in a wise and caring manner.  If we want to lead children as we are led by God, we should view them through the eyes of God’s grace and mercy, rather than solely through the eyes of rules and regulations.

The ultimate goal of spiritual discipline starts with a greater realization of God’s love, grace, and forgiveness.  When you correct a child, know that you are working on their behavior as well as their understanding.

Use God’s Word as your Standard

Children need to see that you believe the Bible is more than just a religious rulebook.  They need to know the difference between right and wrong.  They also need to see that the Word of God is real and that God is involoved in the lives of His people.  Teachers can repeatedly make references to the scriptures as they talk to their students.  Children need to know what the Bible says about pleasing God, resisting the temptation to sin, having right attitudes and motives, and caring for others.

An effective approach to instillling God’s Word in children is praying scripture.  When a child acts out or misbehaves, pray a promise with the child, or apply a particular verse to that child:  “For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.”(Jeremiah 29:11)

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Prayer

One of the most important acts of discipline is praying for God to work in their hearts.  Prayer affirms that we believe there is a God who is personal, who loves us, and who cares about our lives.  The grace brought into a child’s life by the example of prayer can powerfully influence how a child relates to God.

Many teachers forget to commit discipline issues to God in prayer.  When you correct the behavior of a child, if the matter is not committed to God, it will just be an act of discipline, not spiritual discipline.  Always think about how you can handle the matter in a way that not only corrects the behavior, but also motivates the child to make better choices next time.

When you place the matter of discipline before God, the child becomes accountable to God.  It is a reminder to the child that “there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.”  (Hebrews 4:13)

Foster Relationships

When children sin, their natural response is to hide the sin or separate themselves emotionally and spiritually from you.  You might even be reluctant to reach out to the child when he’s exhibited behavior that needs correcting.  God desires for us to encourage each other toward love and good deeds.  This is another reason love and mercy are essential parts of the discipline process; it turns discipline into a relationship issue, rather than a behavioral issue.  By teaching and mentoring a child as he confesses his errors and seeks forgivenenss, you will be leading his heart, not just his behavior, toward pleasing God.

When you correct a child, talk about the ways God can help her make better choices.  Emphasize God’s desire to work in the child’s heart so she can live the life God wants for her.  The next time a child acts up, remember to invite God into the process of shaping the child’s character.  When you do, you’ll find that what was once a battle of emotions and attitudes has become a time of real spiritual growth for you and the child.

This article by Tyrone Roderick Williams is published in the May/June Issue of K Magazine.

Strong-Willed Kids

Children who make decisions with intensity tend to be labeled “strong-willed.” At the end of the day, their parents feel as if they’ve been engaged in hand-to-hand combat—and that the child often wins at the parent’s expense! Most parents consider a strong will a negative personality trait because it often creates resistance and frustration in family life. Yet, in reality, it’s the strong-willed kids who are often better equipped to succeed, be creative, and face adversity.

Children with strong wills have the potential to become the next generation of leaders. They have their own ideas and plans. They know what they want. They’re persistent, confident, passionate, and determined to succeed at whatever they choose to do.

Leaders have an agenda, look for ways to incorporate others into their plans, and have a high need for control in life. Balanced with graciousness, leaders become a treasure because they make things happen, create organization out of chaos, and motivate people to action.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to raise a leader. These kids tend to have their own ways of doing things and like to tell other people (including their parents) what to do. A strong will keeps a child moving in a certain direction in spite of obstacles. Often these children need bigger barriers or tighter limits to teach them that those boundaries are firm.

Don’t be discouraged by the effort it takes to teach a strong-willed child which limits not to push. The strong-willed child accomplishes things in life, because the roadblocks that might hold others back are no match for this kid’s determination. Your job is to help him know the difference between obstacles to overcome and limits to live within.

A strong will can be an asset… as long as the heart is in the right place.

This parenting tip is taken from chapter three in the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN BSN.

I am a minister.  I minister to the largest mission field in the world.  I minister to children.

My calling is sure.  My challenge is big.  My vision is clear.  My desire is strong.  My influence is eternal.  My impact is critical.  My values are solid.  My faith is durable.  My mission is urgent.  My purpose is unmistakable.  My direction is forward.  My heart is genuine.  My strength is supernatural.  My reward is promised.  And my God is real.

In a world of cynicism, I offer hope.  In a world of confusion, I offer truth.  In a world of immorality, I offer values.  In a world of neglect, I offer attention.  In a world of abuse, I offer safety.  In a world of ridicule, I offer affirmation.  In a world of division, I offer reconciliation.  In a world of bitterness, I offer forgiveness.  In a world of sin, I offer salvation.  In a world of hate, I offer God’s love.

I refuse to be dismayed, disengaged, disgruntled, discouraged, or distracted.  Neither will I look back, stand back, fall back, go back or sit back.  I do not need  applause, flattery, adulation, prestige, stature or veneration.  I do not have time for business as usual, mediocre standards, small thinking, outdated methods, normal expectations, average results, ordinary ideas, petty disputes or low vision.  I will not give up, give in, bail out, lie down, turn over, quit or surrender.

I will pray when things look bad.  I will pray when things look good.  I will move forward when others stand still.  I will trust God when obstacles arise.  I will work when the task is overwhelming.  I will get up when I fall down.

My calling is to reach boys and girls for God.  It is too serious to be taken lightly, too urgent to be postponed, too vital to be ignored, too relevant to be overlooked, too significant to be trivialized, too eternal to be fleeting and too passionate to be quenched.

I know my mission.  I know my challenge.  I also know my limitations, my weaknesses, my fears and my problems.  And I know my God.  Let others get the praise.  Let the church get the blessing.  Let God get the glory.

I am a minister.  I minister to children.  This is who I am.  This is what I do.

by:  Roger Fields

It’s hard to get very far in the discipline process if you call to Johnny and he runs the other way. Furthermore, it’s not respectful when parents yell across the house or parking lot to their kids. At least part of the solution is to teach children to come when they’re called.

Some parents react at the thought of having children come when they’re called. It conjures up visions of authoritarian leadership like a sergeant yelling at a private in the military, belittling a person by pulling rank. These parents need to catch a vision for helping children develop a character quality of responsiveness. It doesn’t come naturally but children who don’t learn to be responsive to another person make poor team members, inconsiderate mates, and difficult employees.

To teach children to come when they’re called, you first have to explain what you mean. With young children you might say, “From now on, whenever I call your name, you need to come close to me and say “What Mom?” or “What Dad?” You might explain that it’s important that they learn to listen carefully to your words and when they hear you call, they need to come and find out what you want.

The next step is to practice every chance you get. With a two or three-year-old you’ll practice it several times an hour. Be careful that you don’t just practice when you want to give an instruction or when your child is running away from you in the store. Practice at home and at the park. Call your child often just for fun. When he comes, say something like “I just wanted to tell you I love you” or “I just want to see how well you can obey.”

The “Come When You’re Called Rule” teaches responsiveness to authority. When children become teenagers you can tell the difference between those who have learned this concept and those that haven’t. We’re not suggesting that teens come running to you when you call, but there is a way that they treat their parents that communicates respect.

The “Come When You’re Called Rule” is a way that parents honor children and teens as well. It says, “I’m not going to yell at you across the house or parking lot. I’m going to take time to sit down and talk to you or get away with you to discuss this issue.”

This tip comes from the book Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN BSN.

9 SIGNS THAT YOU NEED RENEWAL

There’s a sign along the side of the road that says, “Watch for ice on bridge.”  So, what do you do?

You pull your hand away from your child’s burning forehead.  So what do you do?

An irritating sound from the smoke detector warns that the device is about to stop working.  So what do you do?

Our lives are full of warning signs–signs that hopefully protect us and make us aware that something needs to change.  In reaction, we slow our speed and put the car in 4-wheel drive, make a trip to the doctor, or replace batteries.  If the signs were only so noticeable when it comes to recognizing our need for spiritual renewal!  You won’t drive past a road sign, whip out a thermometer, or hear a buzzer but the signs really are more obvious than you might think.

How do you know when to push the pause button on your seemingly endless desire to give, so that your personal fire can be tended to?  What signs tell you that you need to fill your spiritual pantry before serving up any more biblical food to others?  Sometimes you can be fooled into thinking that if you can just get through this one busy week, then the passion, the energy, and the closeness will return.  But when the week is over, another jam-packed week is close behind and there never seems to be the time or the opportunity to renew the relationship.  Barney Fife was famous for saying, “You got to nip it in the bud.”  In other words, catch the problem early on.  Being spiritually depleted is a lonely place to be.  However, there are some signs to watch for that will help you “nip it in the bud.”  When recognized, these signals will protect you and rattle your consciousness that something needs to change.  Let’s look at what may be happening in your daily life that’s trying to tell you it’s time to focus on your spiritual walk.

YOU MAY BE IN NEED OF SPIRITUAL RENEWAL IF . . .

1.  THE MUSIC IS MISSING.  This is one of the first signs I notice in my life.  Music is a huge part of feeding my spirit, and when my spiritual resources are being drained, I do exactly opposite of what I should do.  Instead of turning the music up even louder or playing it more often, I avoid hitting the “on” switch.  The role music plays in restoration is incredibly biblical.  A few exceptionally gifted and talented people, anointed by God, write the music and the lyrics while the rest of us benefit from their insight.  The words of a song oftentimes express the cries of my heart when I don’t even know what it is I’m feeling.  Through music, God assures us of His faithfulness, teaches us His Word, and reminds us who He is.

2.  YOU’VE MOVED FROM PARTICIPANT TO ONLOOKER.  When you choose not to participate in the corporate worship service one week, it may because you are tired, not feeling well or distracted by a problem.  But when one week becomes two, and two weeks become three, and you find your self satisfied to be an onlooker instead of a participant, it’s evident that something isn’t as it should be.

3.  YOU NOW LOOK FOR  FAULT IN LEADERSHIP.  Instead of admitting the inadequacies in your own life, you displace the dissatisfaction you’re feeling on the the leadership of the church.  You hear yourself thinking ( or maybe even saying aloud):  the pastor’s sermon just isn’t up to par anymore;  the worship leader isn’t showing enthusiasm as he leads;  my small group leader wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t there.

4.  IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE SOMETHING GAVE YOU GOOSE BUMPS.  When was the last time you got a good case of goose bumps, because someone shared with you how God embraced the circumstances of their life?  How long has it been since a child’s innocence and openness brought tears to your eyes?  God’s hands are never idle.  When we’re in need of spiritual renewal, though, we have a tendency to develop spiritual calluses that keep us from rejoicing with others.  We miss out on being so moved that our bodies have to physically react to what God is doing.  One of the main sources of renewal is seeing God’s faithfulness in the lives of those around us.  Severing the ability to be touched by the testimonies of others cuts off a spiritual life source.

5.  YOU’RE MAKING EXCUSES IN THE MINISTRY GOD CALLED YOU TO.  You were so sure you were in the ministry God planned for your life, and now you find yourself questioning if you heard Him right.  When your heart is lacking the passion you once felt, you overlook teh reason (your spiritual hunger) and create an excuse.  Excuses are the mechanism you use to cover up what ’s really going on.

6.  YOU HEAR YOURSELF SAY, “I CAN DO IT ON MY OWN.”  Somewhere along the line, you started flying solo and God didn’t create you to do that.  “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”  That beautiful verse doesn’t say we can do all things on our own.  The strength has to come from somewhere, and once you’ve used yours, there’s nothing to call upon if you’re trying it on your own.  God’s strength just keeps on coming and coming, though; you can never exhasust it, and that’s why all things are possible.  Your energy will run out.  Your vision will run out.  You’ll find yourself in a well that has dried up.  It’s time for spiritual renewal!

7.  YOUR COMMITMENT LESSENS.  commitments that you never dreamed you would back away from lessen in value.  The comforter is cozy on Sunday morning, so you call the substitute to pinch-hit for you.  There’s a great movie on television tonight, so you skip family devotions.  Even though you’ve been given an obvious teachable moment to relate an important life lesson to the kids in your influence, you pass on the opportunity.  What you were once so strongly committed to isn’t so urgent.

8.  YOUR PRAYER LIFE CHANGES.  Have you ever had a misunderstanding with someone, and instead of dealing with it right then and there, you avoid the person?  When we need spiritual renewal, we’ve departed from our initmate relationship with the Lord, and we know that’s not pleasing to Him, and we know deep inside that it’s not pleasing to us, either.  Our daily time of prayer changes when our spirits are hungry.  As an alternative to pouring our hearts out to the Lord, our prayers focus on anything but the emptiness that we’re experiencing.  It’s an avoidance tactic.  Instead of crying out for a renewed and alive personal faith, we go through the motions of prayer without exosing our souls before the Lord.

9.  YOUR PEACE IS MISSING.  The assurance that God is in control is now followed by a question mark.  Worry and impatience have replaced the knowledge that God will accompany us through whatever life throws our way.  A typical characteristic of needing spiritual renewal is that your words may articulate that you’ve given your difficult circumstances to the Lord while you’re still clutching the pain and forfeiting His peace.

You may have other warning signs that alert you to the fact that your heart is in need of a fresh walk with the Lord.  The important thing is to identify those personal signs, acknowledge them when they happen, and then take action before it goes any further.  I’m sure you know people who act completely different when they’re hungry.  They’re grumpy, irritable, and say things they don’t intend to say.  In short, when their stomach is empty, they’re just not themselves.  It’s the same with us when we are spiritually hungry.  We don’t act like the people God created us to be.  We say and do things that are totally our of character for us when our spirits are full.  The good news is spiritual renewal not only brings you back to where you were, but takes you the next step in your journey with the Lord.

This article by Tina Houser appears in the May/June issue of K Magazine.

Some parents are frustrated because their children are so self-focused that they can’t seem to grasp the concept of honoring others. How can you help children think about other people instead of always thinking about themselves?

One helpful way is to teach kids to recognize emotions in others and then know how to respond accordingly. One dad wanted to work on honor with his seven-year-old daughter, Diane, who was self-centered, always talking and thinking about herself. He used a journal and, in the evening, asked Diane to identify examples of a friend or family member who was sad, mad, or glad that day. Then he asked the question, “How might you respond to that person in a helpful way?”

They continued this exercise every evening for two weeks. After awhile it helped Diane get outside of herself, look at the needs and feelings of others, and then talk about ways to respond with honor. When her brother is mad, it might be best to leave him alone or to just ask a helpful question. With her friend who is sad, she could offer to help and then listen empathetically. When Mom is glad, Diane could enter into that gladness by listening to the story and enjoying the situation too.

The Bible says in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourselves.” That’s good advice for all of us. Seeing and responding to emotions in others is a great way to start.

This parenting tip comes from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids, by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

The Kingdom is that place where the King is joyfully obeyed.  The King has a throne and subjects.  He has both authority and the power to make up laws.  He’s the Boss, the sovereign Majesty, the rightful Ruler.  Because the King is good, the Kingdom is a fantastic place where everything is just exactly as it ought to be.  However, one day in the Kingdom, there was a violent rebellion.  Revelation chapter 12 describes it.  The rebels said to God, “You’re not the boss of me.  I’m gonna go where I wanna go, say what I wanna say, do anything I wanna do, and you can’t run my life!”  When that happened, another kingdom began.  Now there are two kingdoms, Light and Darkness.  In the Kingdom of Light there’s righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.  The Kingdom of Darkness stands in contrast with its wickedness, fighting, and emptiness that comes from being separated from God.

There was war in Heaven, and the Kingdom of Darkness lost and got kicked out.  The rebels landed splat on the planet earth.  Adam and Eve should have kicked them out as well, but instead, they joined up with the rebellion and said to the King, “You’re not the boss of me.  You can’t tell me how to run my life!  I’m gonna go where I wanna go, say what I wanna say, and do anything I wanna do.”  This world became the Kingdom of Darkness.  Now you can pick up any paper, watch any broadcast, or search the internet for news and you’ll see people fighting, scratching, and clawing each other.  People set up their own little kingdoms where they make the rules hoping everyone else will bow down to them, especially God.  It’s a mess, and each of us has turned away from God and said,

“You’re not the King, I am.”  So the history of the world is a story of the great rebellion separating us from the Kingdom of Light. 

Into this desperate situation came One to rescue us, the only son of the King of the Kingdom.  He came as a baby in a manger, lived a life of total obedience to the rules of the Kingdom of Light, and preached this sermon, “Repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand, for I brought it here!  Whichever of you rebels will return to the rightful King and place yourself in obedience to Him will be forgiven and restored!”  Then the Son of the King died on the cross to take the punishment we deserved for our rebellion, and made a way for us to repent and believe.  When we return and submit to the King, we are not just allowed back in by the skin of our teeth; we actually get to be called children of the King.

How do we enter this life? - By being born.  How do we enter the Kingdom of God? - By being born again.  When we are born again, we become part of the Royal Family.   Royal blood is not something that can be earned.  Royal blood is not a reward; it’s a natural consequence of a birth relationship with the King.  We become born again when we surrender to the King and say, “You’re the boss of me.  I wanna go wherever you go, I wanna say whatever you tell me to say, and do anything you may ask or command.  I want to follow Jesus, and have Him live in me and shine through my life.”  Kids can easily understand this because it’s a story that’s written on the original software of every human being.

The good news is the story of the Kingdom of Light and how the King loved His rebellious subjects so much that He made a way for them to come back.

An excerpt from an article in K Magazine (May/June 2008) by Alan Root.

Don’t you feel like some days you have to discipline kids for the same things over and over again? The child who has a problem hitting, interrupting, or just being annoying to others may need a lot of correction.

It’s these problems that are great candidates for a Positive Conclusion. Each time the negative behavior takes place, have the child take a short break and then come back to you for a debriefing. During that conversation, one of the questions should be, “What are you going to do differently next time?”

 When you ask this question your child has to state the right response back to you. If Bill is frustrated with his brother Jack and responds by arguing or saying unkind things or grabbing, the right response is to talk about the problem. If you continue to discipline Bill for these wrong responses and he continues to verbalize that the right response is to talk about it, eventually he is able to catch himself sooner and talk to Jack about the problem without using the negative behaviors. This takes time and repeated discipline sessions, but children learn by repetition and frequent, gently reminders.

Sometimes children don’t know what they should have done differently. In fact, some parents are so used to telling their children what not to do, they, themselves, don’t even know what the right response should be. Sometimes the solutions are not easy. That’s all the more reason to use this question with children. Both parent and child can brainstorm about alternatives to unwanted behavior.

By communicating the right response to you verbally, your child will begin to see the difference and learn to change.

This tip comes from the book Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN BSN.